Fourth Follow Up (I got to a computer)

I am currently IN North Carolina. I am on my mother in law's computer for just a few moments so I thought I'd post you all an update on how I am.

My fourth appointment went pretty good. We voiced our concerns to the doc and since I have been concerned about some pressure that is off and on and the side and shoulder pains we are doing a CAT scan and an ECHO at my next 3 month follow up. He did say if the problems went away, I could cancel those at any time. They are more of a peace of mind for me, and also to make sure that fluid went away from around my heart and to kind of see what that scar tissue is doing inside of me. I personally think all the excess scar tissue left inside of me causes me a fair amount of discomfort.

Otherwise on paper I look great. Almost everything anyway. haha I was a bit anemic but with all my stress and everything lately I actually have not been eating well and even dropped a few pounds. I was not at all surprised about that. I need to pop a vitamin I think. I also need to make sure I am eating right. I am really bad about not being able to eat while I am stressed at all. I think this vacation is taking care of that. I had an open faced roast beef sandwich smothered in gravy yesterday. Oh yeah. mmmmmmm :)

I am having my thyroid levels checked too but I never know about that. I have the nodules and the whole goiter thing but it's usually normal. I still need to have it monitored. After radiation treatments thyroid problems are common. Not to mention I already had four nodules before this thing started AND my mother, grandmother and two aunts all had thyroid disease. I am kind of expecting it. It's just a matter of time.

The doc loved seeing us. We take the whole clan in at my appointments. That's all for now. I may get on again later this week but if I don't, I'll be back on the 31st!

Gone For a Few Days, But I'll Be Back With Follow Up Information

We are leaving this morning. My appointment is at 2:30 p.m. Central, but it's a good drive so we are leaving at 11:00 a.m. I am excited, anxious, nervous, etc. I am ready for this checkup, get good news and head to my in laws in North Carolina. It's 59 degrees there tomorrow. Compared to the frigid temps we have had here that sounds just glorious. I'll see the mountains. I have done that one other time in my life. I enjoyed that too. I was just a teenager at the time. I am so ready to go and just relax and visit. Up until right before I got sick my husband's in laws lived in the same town as us. We moved 2 hours away so they decided to just move by the mountains. Now they are a good 8 hours away from us. I miss them TERRIBLY. I've always been very close to his entire family. Even their little dog, a cocker spaniel, Holly. She's quite the spoiled little dog. My girls love her too.

It's hard to believe but my father in law has not seen Gabriella since she was a few weeks old. It's not easy or cheap to make this trip so now they don't get to see us often. He'll be shocked. She's such a happy, playful, giggly baby. People are always shocked at Gabriella because she waves and smiles randomly at everyone. I think she makes strangers at the grocery store feel special. She waves and gives that toothy grin. It's so cute. Anyway, we are off so I won't be around for a few days. I won't be able to drop my entrecards. BUT I will come back and drop away so I appreciate those that still drop while I am away. Just know I'll return the favor when I get back!!

*Prayers appreciated for the trip!

Follow Up Tomorrow!

Well I am ready. My follow up is tomorrow and I have myself all worked up really good just in time for it. I always have fears and get tense before them. This time I feel I do have something to really discuss with the doc though. See, I mentioned the heart tests before and the fluid that had been around my heart. I always wondered if they should have rechecked it. Their concern at the time was if it was a preexisting thing. That would be really bad. So, they did a second echo and determined it was from the tumor and would go away. That's great. I have always had heart palpitations though, since I was a teen so I guess that sort of stuck in my head as a concern. I still get them. On occasion and since about October of last year I started to feel what I thought at first could be wheezing inside me which scared me. It was a subtle, very faint vibration. Then I realized it's my heartbeat. Sometimes when it beats it feels...like a vibration. It's so hard to explain but put your body up against a very loud speaker and imagine the vibration and that's what I feel. I worry about effects from the chemo on my heart because that is indeed a risk. UGH. You are never free from it. The worries are always there and the lasting effects from the treatment are just as bothersome.

Combine all this with the fact that I get terrible back pain from sitting at my computer. I get tense no matter how much I stretch or move. I have to get up and really stretch things often and that is just to keep me from being in excruciating pain. Nothing totally makes it go away. Now I have had some good pains on my left side for some time now that is only getting worse. Top that off with the occasional numbness going down my left arm and pure panic sets in. I think I have a pinched nerve in my back truly. I think if I get that problem fixed a lot of other things will fall into place. I am kind of curious about a chiropractor. I am not sure if they will help or not. Still I am ready for my checkup tomorrow so my doc can ease my mind about some things.

Birthday Party and Vaccinations

On the phone with grandma and grandpa


Well poor Gabriella got four shots today. Oh how I hate these days! I appreciate what they are for but I cannot stand seeing her in pain. It makes me want to cry though I have gotten better at it over the years with four children. Still, last time she had only two shots and didn't cry at all. She flinched, wasn't sure what happened and then was fine. Not so this time around. She turned beet red. Even her eyes got all bloodshot from crying. I felt so horrible. I am just glad that is over! She was a bit late on her shots but I am ok with that. Some people say delaying it a bit isn't a bad thing. You never know so I am ok with them being a few months late. It wasn't intentional however. Now she is sitting here cheering watching The Wonder Pets. She seems much happier now!

I got some pictures from Angelina's birthday yesterday. It was just a quiet evening with my mom and dad. I made a pretty pink birthday cake. I had planned on making a special cake with my older sister but the cold weather has pretty much kept everyone inside.

Gabriella's One Year Checkup

Well, it's today. She should have had her one year checkup in November, but the doctor rescheduled a couple of times and then one time I myself had to reschedule. So today it is. I hate the idea of her getting shots, but last time she didn't even cry! I don't think I'll get so lucky today. I get sad when my kids get shots. I hate seeing them in any pain even if for a good reason in the long run.

Gabriella is not walking yet. Yes she is 14 months old. She is close to walking but not walking yet. I know she really should be but I am not worried. I totally blame myself for this. See, when you sit her on the floor she instantly will pick up any kind of fuzz, dirt, lint or bug nearby and immediately jam it into her mouth. She doesn't accidentally find things. She seeks them out. You cannot leave her on the floor for a millisecond or she will eat something. So, she has spent excess amounts of time with me holding her, sitting in her exersaucer or in her playpen. Lately I have had her standing up in her playpen and she'll cruise around it. I am feeling bad but even now when I try to make her walk she'll do it (with me helping), then get distracted by a lot of things. I have to keep getting her attention back on the walking thing. I think she's a teensy bit uninterested. Still, I can just tell and I think she'll be running before I can at an eyelid. We're off! Hopefully the shots are not too bad!

My Thoughts on Patrick Swayze

Well, he has been on my mind lately. I was very discouraged to learn he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I do admire him and like him as an actor and obviously it is the only reason I even know who he is. Regardless of that though, I am thinking of him as a man. He has been married for 33 years. Now seriously, that is rare even in the regular world today much less in the world of Hollywood. Anything that lasts more than 3 months there is cause to celebrate.

After hearing of his diagnosis I went online and did some research and quickly learned it is a very bad cancer to have with a poor prognosis. I cannot imagine myself having been in that particular situation. It's bad enough to feel so sick. You go from feeling healthy and strong to being weak and somewhat dependent on others. It's a great shock to your whole system not being able to be who you once were. I at least had comfort in knowing my cancer was curable.

I saw his interview with Barbara Walters the other night. If you didn't have the chance you really should try to catch it in rerun or something somehow. In his shoes I think I would be greatly discouraged. When asked about how long he thought he had he really did seem to get cocky to the cancer...as if it were just a bully. He lifted his head and said something along the lines of "You watch me...you just watch what I can do."

It brought tears to my eyes. Having gone through cancer and fighting this mean bully of a disease I realize attitude is really everything. And HE has the attitude to fight it. I pray for him, and his family to get through this awful disease....prognosis and statistics aside all we can do is fight.

The Perfect Dress

I found my dress today for the Holiday party. I had a really nice time tonight visiting with people from my husband's workplace. It tends to be a really large event these days. It takes up a large ballroom at a big hotel. There is a fancy dinner and a presentation. There was probably 1000 people there. It was a good time and a great excuse to dress up. I love getting all girly and dressing up! I took a few pics of me in my dress before leaving and just decided to post a few here. :)