Warmer Temps and Going to the Mall

I'm heading out today. It's a bit warmer at a steamy 21 degrees today. Compared to our frigid negative temps I don't think it's too bad at all! I am going to the mall to buy a dress for a late Christmas party tonight. It's more of a *Holiday* Party but it's for my hubby's work place. I always enjoy myself at these things. It's the first time a lot of these people will have seen me since my diagnosis. We had moved and so after I got sick making the trip back here for the Christmas party was out of the question. I was too sick. I wouldn't have been up to going even if we were closer. He continued working for the same company just at a different location. The main location is where we are now.

Anyway my husband had given them regular e-mail updates. The whole company followed my story pretty much so it will be nice to talk to everyone tonight as a SURVIVOR! They serve a delicious meal usually. It should be a great time!

Who Let the Husky Out?

Well, I did. Yes, last night my dog was pretty much going crazy. She was barking and just wanted out. I couldn't understand why she would possibly want to go out there in negative temperatures. I finally allowed her to go out on a trial basis. She IS a Husky after all but I was still not sure. Sure enough literally in less than 5 minutes she was barking wildly to come back in. So I allowed her to come back and grabbed her water that I had just sat out there with her too. The top of it was already frozen. In 5 minutes it had started to freeze. That is just insane to me! I guess I really shouldn't complain. It is Illinois after all and I did choose to live here. I really have wondered at my mistake for years though. I should have moved to a warm place. I don't think I'd miss snow that much. I might at Christmas but that's it I think. I want white sand beaches and a margarita!

Seriously Cold Weather and Snow Days

I am sure if you watch the news at all you've noticed the Midwest has come under some seriously cold temperatures. Today is -14. That was not with the windchill. With the windchill we were sitting at a very not cozy -35. That is not even human! My husky doesn't seem to mind too much. As a matter of fact we brought her in and she won't quit whining to go back out. I don't really understand that. How could even she possibly want to be out in this? I need to go to the store and run a few errands but really, who goes out in -14 degree weather? I think I'd be frozen solid before I got into the store. School has been canceled 2 days in a row and they have already called off tomorrow. My daughters are loving it. I actually enjoy giving them the news. It makes them so happy that I can't help but take some kind of joy in that. I just caught them playing with the baby's blocks and Yo Gabba Gabba toys and snapped a photo. haha

The Anxiety Has Officially Set In!

Well I realized something today. I am doing it again. It is now January 14th. My appointment is January 22nd. I am now starting to feel every symptom in the book, or at least questioning whether or not I am. I guess the nightmares will probably start again too. I do this every single time yet I don't think about it at first. I realize I am doing it after I have worried myself to death. I always get anxious before my follow ups. The week prior is always the worst. I can tell it gets to my hubby too. I can see it in his eyes. He sort of admitted it to me last night when I flat out asked him if he was getting the jitters yet. He looked at me in such a guilty way that I laughed. Yeah I need prayers, thoughts and words of support right about now! I had a nightmare a couple of appointments ago that the doc came in, took my hubby to another room and told HIM my cancer came back. That one was odd. I haven't had any bad dreams yet. I was warned before I ever finished treatment for my cancer that this would happen. I do take some comfort in that!!

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Ever Have that "Just Can't Wake Up" Feeling?

I have had that today. I am feeling a bit better now though. I have been a chronic insomniac for years. It's no big deal anymore. It started around 2004. I think it had something to do with my hubby often being gone traveling. I had a hard time sleeping with him not there. I had also begun having cancerous symptoms at the time, without knowing it. The doctors prescribed prednisone and whoa. That stuff will make you feel like you can run a marathon at 2 a.m.

Ambien helps me to get some sleep. Every now and again though the effects can linger. You absolutely do NOT want to take it too late at night. You need about 6 to 8 hours of sleep with it. I did not get that and this morning it felt like I was pretty much walking around in a dream. I have had a hard time getting myself awake. I get done what I have to get done. I have no choice but I am one sleepy lady today!

I have heard the different odd things people do on ambien, like shop on eBay and not remember it. I even heard of this politician driving his car, crashing it and having no recollection. I can honestly say if you sleep walk at all, stay away from ambien. I can have whole conversations with the hubby and not remember a single word the next day. I am fully functional..but it takes away the memory. Seems freaky to me. I hope I can get my sleep issues resolved some day!!

What Does it Mean?

One thing I don't think I ever fully understood when I was sick was the fluid around my heart. I had an echo done because as my oncologist informed me, it was normal procedure. I got a panicked call from the doctor who reads the results around 10:45 p.m. at night. He had a very broken accent. I am terrible at distinguishing accents. It's a real flaw of mine so I had a very hard time understanding what he was talking about. I realized he was saying I had a lot of fluid around my heart and wanted to know if I my doctor was aware. I was not sure. I had no clue! I was then scared to death of course. During the echo that day I could totally tell my heartbeat sounded weird. Instead of thump thump thump...it sounded like squish squish squish. The hubby and I both could tell but both kept our mouths shut. We didn't admit it until later.

I called my oncologist that night and had to have him paged. It took an eternity for him to call me. It was about 2 a.m. and I really was thinking I was a ticking time bomb, ready to die at any moment. He finally called and scheduled another echo at HIS hospital this time.

I have always had little concerns because it's not unusual for me to have heart palpitations. I always have. For as long as I can remember. Sometimes I have them more frequently than others. I would definitely say caffeine intake affects it. Once I took some Nyquil and I really thought I was going to have to go to the ER. It lasted for several seconds before it felt like my heart rhythm was normal again. I never have taken Nyquil since. Now, it may be because I had the cancer at the time and didn't know it. Regardless this scared me to death.

We had the second echo and after waiting for what seemed like forever they came back and said the results were good. I did have fluid but it was related to the tumor and it should go away after I got better. Well my only problem with this is they never checked it again. I always felt like they should have but then, I don't know. It's the one thing I never really understood. Perhaps this is something I'll discuss with my doc on the 22nd!


*pre-appointment nerves!!!*