I know I talk about him a lot lately. He has been the top thing on my mind though. There isn't a second of my life I don't have a knot in the pit of my stomach, so worried about him. I miss my dad. I miss him so much. I want that guy back. I want him to go hunting. I want him to go fishing. I want him to tease my girls and encourage Gabbi to sing the Spongebob tune.
I am saddened. Some of my family doesn't understand my blog. I want to stress to those who read my blog through Facebook that the place my blog originates is NOT through Facebook. It is through a blogging website and it is automatically posted to Facebook. I started my blog before my own diagnosis when my doctors thought I had cancer. It was a place for me to pour my heart out. By definition blogs are online diaries. My own doctor suggested it. Go to http://www.pregnantcancer.blogspot.com and read. I feel a lot of people don't understand. I did express my anger on this blog and I do not apologize. I am not a temperamental person. My fuse is long. I don't get mad easily and I am non confrontational. I am just saying right now it's gone. My fuse has burned out. The only thing that matters now is my dad.
No one cares for my dad like his children. We are stressed and tired. We wonder why nothing has been found. We cannot understand how he can be so sick and they can continue to send him home to get worse. We are trying so hard to make things better and we are just so unsure of how to do it. Hopefully the new hospital will help. Now I just await word from my mom. Hopefully we'll have answers soon.
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5 comments:
I hope someone finds the answers you all seek. I so hope and pray Sandi. :)
Dear Sandi,
My eyes have shed a tear for you and your family, and I know your anger, I have been there with my mom. Don't stop talking about it. That is why I started Dolly's Daily Diary, it is my mothers nickname growing up. It is the best thing to help me vent and work through my feelings that ebb and flow, happy, sad, mad etc. We are all the healthier for getting it out, keeping it in makes us worse and worse for the ones around us. You were the only one on fb who cared enough to say on one of my posts about my losses that it is ok, when I said I was not looking for sympathy. I will never forget you for that. At least in the end I knew why my mother way dying, her body was just diminishing from the effects of a double stroke. Infection after infection, organs damaged. Not knowing would have put me in a state of anger that would not have been good. Even when you know the whole family suffers from not being able to help them in their most desprate time of need. If you want to send me a private email on fb or my aol account and describe his symptons and what the doctor's are saying, my sister has been a nurse for over 25 years and she knows alot. She was a huge help to my mother and us siblings during those tought times. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. I am praying and thinking of all of you everyday.
Janet :) {{{Hugs}}}
Thank you Janet. It's touching to know someone cares so much. I absorb your comments and words and they give a lot of comfort when I need it most. I am dealing with more than I can handle emotionally right now. I am being torn in all kinds of directions and I appreciate that you can relate to me. I hope to see my dad this weekend but now that he is moved I am not sure. I just can't afford it. It's a 3 hour drive now but he'll have better care. His arms are the same size as mine. My dad WAS 300 pounds. It's so scary. I just hope there is still some hope. His symptoms pretty much started with severe jaundice and stomach cramping. It got worse from there. I'll e-mail you on facebook tomorrow. If you don't hear from me remind me. I get caught up in everything around me and forget. I am known for it. So please feel free to give me a poke and remind me. I appreciate it!
Thank you Sandee. I appreciate it so much.
Love for a parent is much like a love for your child very strong and very unbreakable. Dad knows our love for him sis and that's all that matters we don't have to proove to anyone how we feel about dad the only persons feelings that matter is his and his personal relationship with each one of us. I so badly want to see him sitting on my porch talking football and teasing the kids and making us laugh one things for sure dad was a funny guy and could make us laugh and going fishing with him is a very unforgetable trip but no matter how mad he got the line broke or the fish got away he still got the fish and still made us laugh trips down memory lane can brighten any day.
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