Can You Believe It??

Gabbi will be two on November 17th! It is so hard to believe. We have been through so much. Her life has not been one that lacked excitement. From the very beginning her life was full of it. It's odd how I could have had such an unexpected pregnancy then of course even more unexpectedly found out I had cancer.

For those who have been reading my blog you already know that I was feeling sick for a long time before I found out I had cancer. So finding out I was pregnant was overwhelming. There were many reasons. I had gone back to school. I had spent so much time getting back in shape after my previous 3 kids. Add to that the feeling of not being able to breathe, coughing up blood and not being able to lie flat, I didn't think I could give birth. I was very overwhelmed honestly. I didn't have the energy to walk up the stairs or talk on the phone without panting.

We did it though. We worked with my amazing oncologist and we did it. I had at least one major surgery during the pregnancy. I had two surgeries, both of which I was put out for. The one though that was the most major was my biopsy surgery. They cut me open on the right side of my chest, which is where the tumor was. They ended up having to shave some bone off. Yes...you heard that right. I have a slight dent in my scar. I hate it, but you know it's also my war wound so I don't dwell on it too much.

During that surgery Jason was all alone waiting in this room with other people who were also waiting for loved ones in surgery. My surgeon was a cardiac surgeon. The surgery was close to my heart so I am assuming that's why we had to use him. The tumor had grown tentacles if you will and wrapped itself violently around my major veins that went up into my neck and head. To this day they are still a little fatter than usual. (hate that too)

Anyway during Jason's time waiting in there he received some updates on me. Other people received updates as well and Jason would hear these people getting information on their loved one. So when the surgeon himself came into the waiting room a couple of hours into my surgery and asked Jason to go into this tiny little private room to talk, Jason was scared to death. He has told me that he just knew that I was dead. He didn't know why the surgeon came out himself and also why he was talking to him privately. He waited for the horrendous news. It didn't come. Basically they had cut some of my tumor out but it wasn't a large enough piece if you will. So I was in the operating room with my chest cut open while the surgeon discussed with Jason how they would have to cut me open more. I actually think that's when they had to shave off bone but I am not positive.

I awoke from that surgery in a recovery room. I could NOT swallow at all. After months of feeling like you have a basketball lodged in your neck and that your head is going to explode because it feels like someone is choking you, the last thing you need is to feel like you can't swallow. It was from the breathing tube down my throat during surgery. My throat was dry for months. I was only allowed ice chips. I couldn't really see after surgery. I have bad eyes and didn't have my glasses. This made it scary coming out of anesthesia I was in and out of consciousness too. I couldn't stay awake at all.

Finally they got me a room in the ICU and I saw Jason. He was coming around the corner and I felt such joy. I was weak and tired but I wanted him so bad. Then as they were putting me into my bed I got sick. Freshly cut open chest and here I am heaving. Dry heaving since I hadn't eaten. But you know it was enough. I was still so weak and tired though and not really getting better. They decided to give me a blood transfusion. I felt better within 15 minutes of getting that. It was night and day folks. Oh yeah, right here I will tell you to GIVE BLOOD! It definitely saved me. I never had a clue the difference in how it makes a person feel. It was amazing.

I was sick for awhile and I had a chest tube inserted to drain fluid. I had a lot of fluid in my chest. That chest tube hurt more than the staples in my chest from the biopsy surgery.

I had my first sonogram the following morning to check on Gabbi. I had been through so much. How could my baby possibly have tolerated it all? She did. She was great. Her heartbeat was strong. She survived that. It was on to chemo after the results were back in a couple of weeks.

Now that little baby is a wild and crazy 2 year old! I could go on forever. There is so much in between the lines. There is so much it took to get Gabriella here. It took a lot but she's here and she's my miracle girl.