The One Who Got Me Through it All

Very pregnant here during my ceremony for finishing my last chemo! I spent the night in the hospital that night with preterm contractions. October 23rd, 2007.




My recent birthday.



Meet my husband Jason. He is 34 years old (sorry baby). I married him when I was just 19 and he was 21. I went to high school with him though we hadn't really dated while he was in school. He dated a friend of mine. It's funny how that works. By my senior year though and after he had graduated we were quite the item. Yes, originally I had asked him to a dance and things sort of faded for a few months but by that December we were official. He asked me to a Christmas party and the rest is history.

We married in September of 1995. It was the most wonderful day of my life. My grandfather married us. He was the pastor of the local Baptist Church. That was very special to me. I was just 19 and he was just 21. We were both young and maybe a bit naive but very in love.

We gave birth to our first daughter in March 1997. Just a few weeks prior Jason was in a bad car accident, crushing both his knees. When I was brought into the hospital in labor they had to get us both a wheelchair. We both still chuckle at that thought today!

Exactly 3 years later our second daughter was born. It was much easier to me having a second daughter. I felt like I could handle it this time. I wouldn't do everything by the book but just what came naturally. She was a content baby and it all worked out great until she started having fainting spells shortly after her first birthday. I also suffered a miscarriage just a couple of weeks before her fainting spells began. We hadn't planned on getting pregnant again so soon but I was a few months along when we knew we were going to lose the baby. I had tests run and found out it would indeed have been a boy, my only son, and he had died of chromosomal abnormalities. The stress of that and Mikayla's fainting issues were very difficult. It turned out she fainted when upset or hurt but really it goes along with her personality and she did grow out of it.

Fast forward to 2002 and my daughter Angelina was born. She had a tiny red dot on her lip at birth. It was teeny. It grew rapidly and turned into a giant red looking blister. It was a strawberry hemangioma. Of course we feared cancer but it was not and actually compared to some hemangiomas hers was not too bad. She was treated with prednisone at just 3 months and it began to involute. You may notice in pictures she has a red bump on her lip. It's fading and should one day be a distant memory. That was more stress for us though.

I went back to school in 2005. Jason had begun traveling for work. It was a hard decision. We had always been together but we figured it would help us in the long run. It wasn't supposed to be for very long and but it turned into 3 years. During that time everyone asked how I managed, how did I handle it. Well I became numb to it. I had no choice. I couldn't wish him home though sometimes I wanted to. If I thought on it too much then I became stressed and depressed. It was after he came home that I realized how much it had hurt me. I realized how much of his life I had missed out on and now it is our deepest regret. He got used to being without me and I got used to being without him. I honestly do not recommend it to anyone!

We moved in January of 2007 to get him off the road. We both knew he needed to come home. It was just too much strain. He came home and we moved. It was a new beginning and we were happier than ever. I then was diagnosed with cancer in May of 2007. I had found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our fourth child at the end of April. When I should have been enjoying my husband finally getting off the road and literally working about 2 minutes from home, I got sick.

His employer told him to stay home and take care of me. He went in sometimes but not usually very often or for very long. They were so incredibly awesome and he still got paid!! He was by my side every second. He took care of me. He cooked for me. He cried for me. I fall more in love with him every single day. We have certainly had our ups and downs in 13 years of marriage but I have come to learn there is no *perfect* marriage. You have to make it as good as you can. You have to work and continue to show love. Our marriage has grown and changed over the years. I don't think I could have had a better caregiver though, especially at a time when we just moved away from all our family and friends. My life has revolved really around this man and I think back on it all and I do not regret one single second. There are things I wish could have been different but I'd do it all again if I had to.

I dedicate this post to my husband. Thank you for taking care of me, never letting me believe I'd die. Thank you for watching me and loving me and helping me have the strength to fight.