Going on 33 and Christmas Photos

Well today is December 27th. (For those who don't have a calender haha) My birthday is in two days. Parts of me say I am turning 32. Why? Well I lost my 31st year. I lost it to cancer though it didn't win in the end. I felt so sick even before my diagnosis. Then once I was diagnosed I couldn't even get out of bed. I lost even Mother's Day being in bed. My girls and my husband did however try to make it a good day for me. They couldn't spend much time with me. It took too much out of me.

So my way of thinking is I get a do over for that year. What do you think? haha Ok. Maybe not. Maybe I earned that year even more than all the others. I think so actually. It was my hardest and I learned more from that year than any other. I learned how strong I am. I became a better and stronger person. I loved my family that much more. I didn't think it was possible to love my husband more but I did. Each day I do more than the last. I know no matter what we have each other. That's enough for me.

To be honest sometimes I say it was my best year. How? Why? Well my husband had spent so much time away from me traveling in the previous couple of years. We moved so he could be home more. No more traveling. It was hard on us. It created tension and he was gone too much. We couldn't be close when he was away for weeks at a time. I missed him desperately. I didn't want to leave my family and friends but I needed my best friend back. So we moved. He took a job where he could stay home. Things improved instantly. I loved it there. The trouble was I was so sick. We figured it was thyroid and other things but never cancer. I mean the thought *did* cross my mind but probably not more so than you or anyone else. We all think about it on occasion I think. We all have the what ifs.

Once I was diagnosed my husband was always there. His job told him to take care of me. They said his family was the most important thing. They really helped him to be able to be with me and care for the kids. He never left my side. It really made up for lost time. I now know he watched me sleep every night. I caught him twice but he's admitted it was a nightly ritual. I didn't sound good during the day but at night it was a very fast paced wheezy breathing. He was terrified. So he watched. He slept during the day when my oldest daughter could watch me. I loved having him at every appointment, every sonogram, every chemo.

So to be honest maybe 31 was my best year. I felt more loved than I ever have in my life. I also had a new baby girl that year. Nah, it wasn't so bad. I beat cancer, got my husband off the road and had a baby girl. I think I'll just say I am thankful and earned that year. So, here's to 33 years in two days! And let's not forget it is also my very first birthday as a cancer survivor!! I have reason to celebrate. We are combining my birthday with New Years and going out that night with my friends. I'll have pictures up no doubt.

Now, just enjoy these pics from our Christmas. And please...don't mind my messy hair. I just woke up! Oh and I rarely post pics in my glasses. lol


Click here for Christmas Photos!

Wishing You All a Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you all. Just wanted to make sure I let you all know that and I appreciate my readers very much. We're all doing wonderfully. I have had a great Christmas with my family. The girls are all finally well and over the virus. I hope everyone else had a wonderful Christmas too.

Two Days Until Christmas and More Thoughts on After Effects

Are you ready yet? I am doing ok I think. I need to wrap some stuff. Gabriella has caught the virus. So far it doesn't seem like she has a tummy ache though. Just other unpleasant things and a low grade temp. I hope it goes away for Christmas! This virus is just awful. I don't want my baby girl throwing up for Christmas.

I spent the day at the mall yesterday and shopping with the hubby. We had a really good day and stopped for lunch too. I really enjoy that time we get together.

I mentioned after effects of chemo. I never truly have felt 100% the same. I had all that pressure in my neck when the tumor was there. I felt in on occasion even during chemo though never as bad. After chemo I still feel it sometimes but doc says I am cancer free. It causes paranoia. I am told numbness and tingling in the fingers and toes is an after effect which is good honestly since I DO get that. I got that bad during chemo combined with an awful metalic taste in my mouth. I brushed my teeth probably 10 times a day during chemo. Literally, no joke. I am suffering from back pain but it's different than my usual pain. This is specifically targeted to my upper left shoulder blade. It's bad too. I can't lean my head all the way back. It reminds me WAY too much of when I was at my sickest I would cough violently and it sent stabbing pains into my left shoulder. The pains were so bad it honestly felt like someone took a knife to my shoulder. I was terrified to cough. It made me throw up too. Luckily now at least medicine helps the pain! And it's not that bad either. There are just many things and some you can say is a result of cancer or chemo. Some are not. You just never know for sure. Kind of like when I was sick. I had nausea. How much was attributed to cancer, chemo or the baby? I never knew for sure. The terrible reflux could have been made worse by the tumor. My treatments as well could have made it worse. I hated that I didn't really know. Either way I am better now with just a bit of shoulder pain. I think I can handle it.

After Effects?

I'll be doing a post next week on after effects of cancer. You might think once it's gone it's gone but really there are things that you still feel. Numbness, tingling even some pressure. I hate it and sometimes you don't know whether to worry about those things or to just tell yourself it's normal. Even my doc said I might just get used to it as normal over the years. That doesn't really make me any happier! So I think I'll do some research on it and then do a post. I know how I feel. I am sure others have the same issues.