I definitely had a bad year in 2007. I could say I felt sorry for myself and throw a pity party. There were several times throughout my illness I wanted to do just that. I was never in the right place to cry. I remember choking back the tears so many times. I want to let loose but there were several reason I didn't.
1. My kids. I didn't want them to think I was going to die.
2. My husband. He was being strong for me, but I also didn't want to scare him thinking I'd lost hope. He needed to know I was tough enough to beat it.
3. I was always in front of a doctor or around the family.
So I never really just broke down. Oh I have cried. Just not ever like that. I didn't cry like I imagined I would. I get emotional during Kleenex commercials so honestly, you'd think I would have that moment. Then I come across a blog of a man who lost his wife to cancer, then his dad. Other terrible things happened to him as well. I also read another ladies blog who lost 5 people to cancer in a short time. I may have had a hard time, but you know there is always someone out there who had it harder. I am thankful for my happy ending. I am thankful I am here with my children and that I made it through something so difficult with a beauty baby too! Thanksgiving is upon us and boy do I have a lot to put on my list.
While I was going through my illness and the few times I did allow myself a few tears it was when hearing a certain song. It wasn't sitting around feeling sorry for myself either...though I think still I'd have been perfectly justified in doing so. I never really thought there was anything wrong with it. It may have been good for me even. But with my children, I just didn't want them to see that. So I listened to this song, by Lindsey Haun. The song is to a great CMT movie, Broken Bridges with Toby Keith. The song however, I relate to something completely different. Listen to the words. This song strengthened me. The words encouraged me and helped me to see a stronger, brighter, better day. I wanted to share it because honestly this song applies to anyone going through a hard time.
*video was slowing down my blog. So I removed it. Find "Broken" by Lindsey Haun on Youtube. It's a wonderful song.
I saw you in my follow list and stopped over. Thank you so much for sharing and for persevering. Your strength is inspiring.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. One song which gives me strength is 'The Rose' by Bette Midler. Like Heinous said, your strength is inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI agree you and I both have a lot to be grateful for! I didn't cry either not until it was all over and my follow up mammo showed something else...THEN I freaked! (Still "watching" it BTW well as good as you can without insurance).
ReplyDeletegood luck wiht your fight as you're quite courageous. As an artist, I appreciate your sketches. Want a lift? Look at the video on my blog! Is a 12 year old who won Amerioca's Got TAlent. sure to bring a smile toy your face! God Blesss,
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